Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Just say it


So I had an old memory pop into my head the other day....it was a memory of my little brother forgiving me after a huge fight. The memory was completely random, but God through out this week has continued to push the theme of forgiveness on my heart. So the memory of Brian forgiving me, then while reading 2 Samuel God began to reveal to me the harsh impact of not forgiving.

Brian, my younger brother, and I for some reason one night were literally at each others throat's. We were young teenagers at the time, but we decided to fight like grown men, throwing punches, kicks, and whatever else our scrambling hands could find. It was total violence and chaos. On top of our hitting, our mouths were running as well, screaming just about every degrading word or phrase we could think of at one another. I can remember our mom crying because she had never seen her two sons like this before. After our Dad had shoved up apart we stood in the hall way with him between us. My brother was ready to make peace, but I could not drop it for the life of me....so I got one more cheap shot in, slapping him as hard I could across the face and walking to my room to go to bed. I held my head high, as if I had accomplished and proved my superiority. I laid in my bed with my fists clenched, telling myself how much I hated him and how dare he mess with me. I waited for him to walk into the room we shared and if he said one more thing to me I would knock him out for sure. He was scum to me, whatever little thing he had done I refused to let it go. I was right and he was wrong. I was stronger and he was weak. "Mess with me Brian I just Dare you," I screamed in my head as he finally walked timidly in. I wanted him to feel my hate I was feeling for him...I couldn't stand even hearing him...I was right!

Now Absalom had half brother named Amnon. Amnon had rapped Absalom's sister Tamar and threw her to the side. "Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar" (2 Sam 13:22). Absalom had built up a wall inside his heart and decided to not ever talk to Amnon...the hate, the clentching of the fists, the thoughts began to roll through Absolom's mind.

Absalom decided to not forgive his half brother Amnon for what he did to his sister. This haunted Absalom for years, in fact two years later is when Absalom decides to set up the murder for Amnon. Ordering his men, Amnon was killed. The part that is mind blowing is that this all took place two years after the inncident. Two years Absalom was haunted by this. Consuming his mind, until finally he was able to find the perfect opportuinity to kill his brother. The story ends by Absolom being caught in a tree and speared to death in battle. By Absolom not forving his brother, it caused a chain of events: two years of finding a way to kill his brother, killing his brother, causing his father to not talk to him, dieing in battle against his father.

Back to the other story, what my brother Brian did defines the power of forgiveness.

As I laid in bed with my fists tightened and ready to lash out at Brian at any moment...he did the unthinkable...what the flesh so highly is against...

"Hey Joel," he whispered to me.
"What?" I said in the most hateful way I could.
"I'm really sorry man," he spoke in a light calm way, "I never want anything like that to happen again, you're my big brother."

Fists loosened.
Hate disappeared.
Tears rushed down my face.

"It's ok man," is all I could bring myself to say with his mind blowing statement.

Everything seemed to disappear in that moment. Love rushed into my heart. I broke down. A dark mask that had been put on my face was thrown off as soon as he said those words. When he could have just ignored me and went to bed, and we probably would have just forgotten about it the next day...he said sorry. He did not have to...but saying that changed me.


It may feel like that last thing in the world you might want to say to someone, but if you want to give a person a peek of what God's forgiveness is like, then say it. Don't be haunted for years and years because you can't forgive someone...free yourself and stop any further damage for happening.

The F word is so powerful. It can change a life.

1 comment:

Mikel said...

Joel,

I remember that day.......

I was so proud of both of you that day because I knew it was genuine forgiveness and love that you showed one another. It was a very important day because a lot of young men have fought like that with their brothers and have become resentful and bitter towards each other and ruined a lifetime of good memories.

God was at work and still is in both of your lives. He has great plans for you both and I wait patiently with great expectations to see how He will use you both.

You are already a great leader amongst your peers and a cause for tremendous pride.

Love Dad